Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Holy sore nipples Batman
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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