so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
