sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
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I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
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Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
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