the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
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