Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
