WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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