You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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