there's paper in my vomit.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
