Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
