I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Randomize
