awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
