nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
