the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
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im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
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Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.