So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
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The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.