Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I want a musical about memes.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
