Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
