That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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