Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
