Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
