Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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