if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
