I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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