i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
