I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
