just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
