hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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