If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
You took a bar mat shot.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
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