I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
We had sex on a dog bed..
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
