He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
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Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
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There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
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