Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
When are your genitals available?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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