I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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