Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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