I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
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