I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
