This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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