i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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