FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
