So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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