I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
