dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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