The police scanner is talking about you again....
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Randomize
