Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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