He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My penis needs a shock collar
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
