College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
