never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
