I skipped work to stalk him.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
