I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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