that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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