they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
