Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
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