My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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