Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
God I need to hump something, right now.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
