5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
