wake up i wanna do it froggy style
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize