we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
