Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
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