Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is Oprah even human
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
