The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
