my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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