I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
