I puked a lego.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
