Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
