gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
All I want is dick and wine.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
