I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
