dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
