How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Randomize
