his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
